Wedding etiquette is a term that can feel restrictive and dated, but it can also provide wedding couples and their guests the context they need to make the most of their celebration. Sure, there’s history and tradition in play with wedding etiquette, but there are also meaningful notes to keep in mind to show your appreciation for each other.
In this guide, we’ll discuss what each participant needs to know about wedding etiquette. From what to include in your wedding invitations (plus how to address them) to the rules guests should follow from the moment they receive their Save the Date, there are a number of considerations for wedding etiquette.
What is Wedding Etiquette, Exactly?
Wedding etiquette has several definitions and associations, but it really breaks down to the dos and don’ts of a wedding. It’s relevant for the wedding couple, the wedding hosts, and all of their guests. These are guidelines that you can use to follow a more strict or traditional set of recommendations, or you can take a more casual approach. Wedding etiquette should be a helpful curation of tips to show everyone involved respect, kindness, and gratitude.
The History of Wedding Etiquette
Traditional or strict wedding etiquette is rooted in history, dating as far back as ancient Mesopotamia. Perhaps the most recognizable and renowned figure in wedding etiquette history is Emily Price Post, whose book Etiquette: The Blue Book of Social Usage, was published in July 1922. In the 14th chapter of Etiquette, “Preparations for the Wedding,” one excerpt shares the “obligations of the bridegroom”:
“In order that the first days of their life together may be as perfect as possible, the groom must make preparations for the wedding trip long ahead of time, so that best accommodations can be reserved. If they are to stop first at a hotel in their own city, or one near by, he should go days or even weeks in advance and personally select the rooms. It is much better frankly to tell the proprietor, or room clerk, at the same time asking him to ‘keep the secret.’ Everyone takes a friendly interest in a bridalcouple, and the chances are that the proprietor will try to reserve the prettiest rooms in the house, and give the best service. If their first stop is to be at a distance, then he must engage train seats or boat stateroom, and write to the hotel of their destination far enough in advance to receive a written reply, so that he may be sure of the accommodations they will find.”
Some may continue this custom of tasking the groom with planning the honeymoon, but you’ll see that modern wedding etiquette simply shows the evolution of these classic traditions and what is considered “polite” for weddings hosted today. Post’s detail-oriented wedding etiquette guides has been passed down for generations, and most recently, her great-great-grandson Daniel Post Senning has co-authored the 19th edition of Emily Post’s Etiquette with her great-great-granddaughter Lizzie Post, who is also the co-president at the Emily Post Institute. The wedding-specific book Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette, is in its sixth edition and was written by Lizzie and Emily’s other great-great-granddaughter Anna Post.
Because wedding etiquette can date as far back as ancient times, we can assume that some parts of wedding etiquette might feel outdated or irrelevant to you and your celebration. As with anything related to your wedding, you need to determine which elements of wedding etiquette are most important and significant to you and your partner.
Wedding Etiquette for Hosting and Expenses
With so many components to a wedding and its related events, it can be challenging to understand who is financially responsible for what. Thanks to wedding etiquette experts from the Emily Post Institute, there are clear outlines for which “traditional expenses” belong to the bride and her family and the groom and his family. Traditionally, the bride’s family covers the cost of the wedding and reception, the bride’s gown and accessories, flowers, music, photographer, and videographer. Meanwhile, the bulk of the groom’s and his family’s expenses are the bride’s engagement and wedding rings, the groom’s suit, the rehearsal dinner, and as the original version of Etiquette explained, the honeymoon.
These days, financial situations and family structures don’t always align with traditional wedding etiquette. As you and your partner are planning your wedding, only use wedding etiquette if it helps you organize and prepare yourself for the celebration. If it does not fall in line with your values or makes you feel uncomfortable, do not follow those customs or suggestions.
While you’re discussing expenses, you’ll need to decide exactly who pays for what. These are sometimes-difficult conversations for everyone, but it’s crucial to have them before moving forward with booking your venue and hiring your wedding planner and all other vendors. Wedding costs have ramped up significantly over the years as well, so talking about your priority vendors and details upfront is the best way to stay on track with your budgeting.
Wedding Etiquette for Invitations
Both timing and wording are key to following wedding etiquette rules for invitations. There are traditional ways to follow wedding etiquette, and then there are modern twists you can throw in to fully match your personality and vision. Wedding etiquette is often rooted in traditions, but fortunately, these guidelines have been modified by experts and couples over time. Here’s what you need to know about wedding etiquette for invitations:
Wedding Etiquette Invitations: Timing
Wedding etiquette for invitations revolves around the time you provide your guests to receive and respond to your invitation. Here’s a basic timeline to follow for anything related to your wedding stationery:
- Six to nine months before your wedding: By this time period, you should have designed and delivered your Save the Dates and wedding website. These can be prepared digitally or in print, and wedding etiquette experts have confirmed that either are appropriate and acceptable. Both the Save the Date and wedding website will notify your guests to start planning to attend your celebration. If you are planning a destination wedding, you’ll want to provide this notice even earlier than the standard six-to-nine-month recommendation.
- Six to eight weeks before your wedding: Your wedding invitations give guests all of the details they might be missing since receiving your Save the Date and looking through your wedding website. Similar to Save the Dates, wedding etiquette invitations can be delivered to guests through the mail or via email. The former is significantly more expensive and a more traditional medium for wedding invites, but both follow modern wedding etiquette guidelines. Keep in mind that destination weddings should come with more extended wedding planning timelines.
- Two to three weeks before your wedding: At this point in your wedding planning timeline, you need to receive RSVPs from all of your invited guests. There isn’t much time to finalize your guest list, so you may need to reach out to anyone who has not replied “yes” or “no.” Again, wedding etiquette experts will tell you to remain calm and respectful, even if you’re feeling stressed about the last-minute items on your wedding checklist. If you are running behind, you can also split these responsibilities with your planner and partner, or shoot your friends and family members a quick text. Once you have finalized your guest list, send over the details to your relevant vendors, particularly your venue coordinator and caterer.
Wedding Etiquette Invitations: Wording
- Showcase the names of the hosts and guests of honor. First of all, who is hosting your event? As we mentioned earlier in this guide, the traditional hosts are the bride’s parents. That said, it’s becoming more common for both families to share hosting responsibilities. For some couples, they could function as both the hosts and guests of honor. Your wedding invitation will clarify that by sharing that the hosts are inviting guests to celebrate the guests of honor.
- Specify what is requested by the hosts. The most typical wording for wedding invitations is what the hosts request from each guest: “the pleasure of your company,” or the “honor of your presence.” Put simply, your venue will inform which style you choose—or you can forgo the classic wording here altogether. If you get married in a place of worship, you should use the latter; all other venues can have invites featuring the former phrase.
- Provide key details about where and when the event will take place. Your Save the Date mentioned the location and date, but your invitation will include your venue name and address and exact timing. Proper wedding etiquette for invitations recommends sharing the exact start time of your event, although some experts say budgeting for late arrivals is helpful. If you choose to follow that route, you’ll want to say your event is starting about 15 to 30 minutes before you actually make your way down the aisle.
- Outline RSVP instructions. Whether you prepare digital or printed wedding invitations, you’ll need to share exactly how guests should RSVP—and don’t forget to give them a deadline. Most wedding experts suggest giving guests until about two to three weeks before the wedding, so you and your relevant vendors can coordinate with your final guest count. This is where wedding etiquette for guests comes into play: They’ll need to follow your instructions and submit their response by the time requested.
- Feature any specific attire requests. Gone are the days of only having a few standard options or guests’ attire. There are a range of ideas couples have come up with over the years, from garden party formal to an ultra-chic black and white color palette. If you have any special requests for guests, clarify that somewhere on the invitation.
Wedding Etiquette Invitations Example #1:
Together with their families
Aaaron and Melissa
Invite you to their marriage
May 25, 2025
Ceremony starts at 3 p.m.
Flagler Museum
Palm Beach, Florida
Dinner & Celebrations
The Ben Autograph
10 p.m. until midnight
Resort Formal
This particular wedding etiquette invitations example shows the increasingly common scenario of a couple planning a wedding with both families contributing financially. For those anticipating this type of planning team, it clearly explains who is hosting the festivities.
Wedding Etiquette Invitations Example #2:
Mr. and Mrs. Wilder
Request the Honor of Your Presence
at the Wedding of
Gregory & Angela
Saturday, the twenty-sixth of July
two thousand twenty-five
Hope Valley Church in Denver
Reception to follow at
Four Seasons Hotel Denver
For a wedding etiquette invitations example that checks all of the etiquette expert-approved boxes, this is the one. You’ll notice the phrase “honor of your presence” connected to the church ceremony venue. From there, guests are also aware of the reception at a nearby hotel.
Wedding Etiquette Invitations Example #3:
Let’s get together to celebrate Emery & Monroe
Saturday
8 June 2023
at 4 p.m.
The Ranch at Stoney Creek
Somerset, California
Merriment to follow
For a more casual and fun iteration of a wedding etiquette invitations example, this presents the guests with all of the need-to-know details about the upcoming celebration. You can get as creative as you’d like for your invitations, and wedding etiquette will continue to align. The most important thing is to share the clear where and when of your wedding events.
So, you’ve written out your wedding etiquette-appropriate invitations, but there are a few other steps to complete in the planning process. On your printed or digital invites, you’ll need to share when guests should reply and share whether or not they can attend your wedding. Several of your vendors will require your full guest count, and providing how and by when to RSVP is essential.
Wedding Etiquette Invitations: Addressing Each Guest Properly
There are so many factors to consider when you’re addressing your guests on your Save the Dates and wedding invitations. Not only does it acknowledge your respect for each friend or family member, but it’ll also clarify who is invited and whether they can bring a plus-one. Here are the main steps to follow as you provide your details to your stationer.
- Make it clear if they have a plus-one or not. If you are inviting a single or unmarried guest, you have two choices: Allow them to have a plus-one or ask them to attend your wedding solo. If they have a partner, but aren’t married yet, write out their partner’s name on the envelope or email you’re sending to inform them about your event. If they’re single and not dating anyone, you can write “and Guest” after their name on the invitation, or exclude “and Guest” if you don’t want them to bring a date. Most often, plus-ones are given out to single people in the wedding party, close friends and close family members. "As you might imagine, it's up to every couple's unique discretion,” wedding planner Irene Katzias told The Knot. “When giving out the plus-one option, ask yourself, 'How does this affect the social dynamics of the evening and the seating chart I've planned?'"
- Clarify if kids are welcome to attend your wedding. Some couples love having children at their wedding, while others would prefer an adult-only ceremony and reception. You can make this clear when you only include the parents’ name on their wedding invitation, and you can also add a question about inviting kids on the FAQ page of your wedding website.
- Write out a guest’s formal title. The majority of your guests will likely have the title Mr., Mrs., Ms., or Miss. “Mr.” is reserved for any men invited to the wedding who do not have distinguished titles, such as a doctor, judge, or person in the military. “Ms.” is a way to share the title of a woman regardless of her marital status, while “Mrs.” is for married women and “Miss” typically refers to an unmarried woman or child under the age of 18. According to the Knot, however, you can also use “Miss” for a married woman who kept her maiden name and didn’t change her surname after getting married.
- Take note of guests with distinguished titles. Any doctors, judges, or military members require specific addressing on their wedding invitations. In lieu of Mr., Mrs., Ms., or Miss. a judge should have “The Honorable” or “Judge,” a doctor should have “Dr.,” and a person in the military should have their rank written out before their names. If you’re addressing a couple, wedding etiquette rules say you should feature the distinguished title first on the envelope or email.
Your guest list is among the most difficult parts of the planning process, but it will inform how you address each wedding Save the Date and invitation. Your budget and personal preferences will drive how many people you invite, and whether you’ll allow children or plus-ones. If you want to have a more casual approach, you can only feature the couple’s first names. That said, it’s highly encouraged to follow wedding etiquette and take the time to showcase their correct last names and titles.
Destination Wedding Etiquette
A destination wedding is one that requires most—if not, all—of your guests to travel a significant distance. This could look like a tropical getaway for 200 people in the Bahamas or an intimate gathering with a handful of loved ones in the heart of Rome. There’s no limit to what you can achieve, especially with a hardworking and talented vendor team, however, following destination wedding etiquette will require a few extra steps.
- Inform guests as soon as possible. The best piece of destination wedding etiquette advice, per our experts? Keep your guests in the loop and notify them about your festivities ASAP, since they’ll need to prepare ahead of time. That means taking time off of work, booking their travel and lodging, reserve childcare or pet care, and so on. Your guests are going out of their way to celebrate you, and on top of that they’re most likely traveling a far distance to make it happen.
- Invite families or provide childcare. As a courtesy to your guests, one destination wedding etiquette note is to allow children to attend your wedding. For an alternative solution, you could also check in with your venue or the hotel where you’ll be staying and see if on-site childcare is available. Traveling is particularly challenging for parents, especially if it’s an adult-only wedding, so it’s incredibly thoughtful to accommodate them in this way.
- Plan a series of events for your guests. It’s unlikely your guests will fly in and out for your wedding, so you’ll want to schedule optional gatherings before and after your celebration. A welcome party and post-wedding brunch are popular events, and depending on your budget and the venue capacity, it would align with proper destination wedding etiquette to invite all of your guests to the rehearsal dinner. This isn’t typical for traditional weddings, but because everyone is traveling far for your wedding, opening up the invitation to everyone is recommended.
- Take every opportunity to say “thank you.” Even before you send out your “thank you” notes, show your gratitude whenever you see your guests. You don’t need to spend your entire destination wedding saying, “Thank you,” over and over again, but you and your partner can make a concerted effort to express your appreciation. Destination weddings also give you the gift of time, providing even more opportunities to make memories with your loved ones.
Wedding Etiquette for Other Special Events
Before you recess down the aisle as spouses, and perhaps even after, there are several events planned by the couple, their families, and their friends. Below, see the details about these types of events and who is in charge of hosting each one.
Engagement Party
After you’ve said, “Yes!” your family and friends may want to celebrate immediately. Engagement parties are commonly hosted by one or both parents of the guests of honor. As with a wedding, though, it’s becoming more popular for couples to host their own engagement parties.
Bachelorette and Bachelor Parties
Couples may choose to mix it up, but if they have a formal wedding party, the maid or matron of honor and the best man are in charge of planning and hosting the bachelorette and bachelor party, respectively. Of course, the other members of the wedding party should also contribute, but the primary contact is the maid or matron of honor and best man. Most often, these are the siblings or best friends of the wedding couple. Early on in the planning, wedding couples should have clear and open conversations with their siblings or close friends to make sure this is a doable task and role for them.
Bridal Showers
Similar to the bachelorette, a bridal shower is often hosted by the maid or matron of honor, or a close relative or family friend. The attendee list is generally the bride, bridesmaids, and all of the women in her family. By most wedding etiquette standards, most guests should arrive with a gift from the bride’s wedding registry.
Rehearsal Dinners
Similar to the bride’s parents hosting the wedding, it’s common for the groom’s parents to be in charge of the rehearsal dinner. You’ll want to check in with the individuals you are hoping will host any event, but traditional wedding etiquette assigns this task to the groom’s parents.
Pre- or Post-Wedding Gatherings
To keep the celebrations going before and after the festivities, consider planning a welcome party, after-party, or post-wedding brunch. You’re not required to do any of these, but they are frequently hosted by the couples and their families.
Wedding Etiquette for Guests
Wedding hosts and the guests of honor aren’t the only ones who need to follow wedding etiquette protocol. If you’re new to attending weddings or need a refresher, read on for details about aligning with wedding etiquette as an attendee.
- RSVP on time for all events: It’s the worst feeling for you and the guest of honor to have to receive a call that they need your RSVP. Once you receive your invitation, try to respond with “yes” or “no,” along with the responses to other questions in the virtual or physical RSVP card. Each invitation should include a desired date to submit responses, so do your best to notify them as soon as possible.
- Don’t add an uninvited plus-one: This is perhaps the biggest issue for wedding couples and their planners, and it breaks a significant rule in wedding etiquette for guests. Your invitation will clearly state who is invited. If you were not invited with a plus-one, you must attend the celebration alone. Same goes for children: While some couples plan a family-friendly event, others prefer adult-only weddings. If your children are not addressed on the wedding invitation, you should make arrangements without them, or RSVP that you cannot attend if childcare isn’t available.
- Look closely at the dress code: Wedding couples have thoughtfully prepared an event with their favorite people, and you’ll want to dress the part. Wedding etiquette for guests specifies that you should follow the dress code requested, and unless it’s specifically requested, avoid wearing white.
- Don’t arrive late: While it’s become more common—not to mention, highly recommended—to budget for latecomers to your celebration, wedding etiquette for guests suggests that you need to get there early. After all, you don’t want to run into the bride while she’s walking toward the aisle! Budget for enough time to get lost if you’re transporting yourself to the venue, park your car, locate the ceremony venue, and find your seat.
- Don’t skip anything: It might be tempting to only attend the ceremony and leave before the reception, or vice-versa, but wedding etiquette experts encourage you to attend all of the events—and avoid leaving too early, while you’re at it. Paying respect to the guests of honor and the hosts involved is a cornerstone of wedding etiquette.
- No phones, please: You spend all day on the phone, but you should keep it stowed in a pocket or purse during the ceremony and even at the cocktail hour and reception. Many couples opt for a phone-free ceremony, and ask that all guests keep their phones away or they might even collect them prior to the start of the ceremony. Being present and available for this emotional, momentous occasion is a major recommendation in all wedding etiquette handbooks.
- Sit at your assigned seat: If you’ve ever planned a wedding, you know how many preparations have been made by the wedding couple and their vendor team ahead of time. And while it’s tempting to sit next to someone you’ve been chatting with at the cocktail hour or an old pal from college, stick with your assigned seat.
- Gifting: Ah, the wedding etiquette about gifting can get pretty sticky. Technically, wedding etiquette is that gifts are not required, but they are highly, highly encouraged. These days, there are a range of options—some couples ask for standard registry items like glassware and a Crock-Pot, while others have included unique experiences the wedding couple will enjoy on their honeymoon or a cash registry. The main wedding etiquette rule for gifts: Don’t give them something they haven’t featured in their registry. Be respectful of the time it’s taken them to prepare their registry, and pay an amount that you’re comfortable with.
If you’re invited to a wedding, keep these key points in mind to express your love for the wedding couple. Whether it’s an intimate gathering or large, extravagant celebration, there’s a reason why they want you to be present on their big day.
Using Wedding Etiquette to Your Advantage
From Emily Post’s guidance in the 1920s to modern takes on wedding etiquette, there are so many interpretations and tactics to use for your upcoming celebration. Wedding etiquette is designed to answer burning questions about what’s appropriate or respectful, but it can sometimes lead to even more confusion. You have to balance so many priorities and responsibilities while wedding planning, so only take wedding etiquette rules and advice that make sense for you, your partner, and your guests.
