LGBTQ+ Wedding Ideas and Advice from the Experts

Look for Vendors Who Show Inclusivity

“The planning journey should be amazing, and as flawless as humanly possible. When you look at [a wedding planner’s] social media presence—and you scroll back past the first nine squares, scroll back a couple of times—make sure that you see couples who look like you right off the bat… Once you have that core base down, you know that your planner will take you to creatives who are inclusive. Have somebody to advocate for you from the very beginning.” —Chanda Daniels, wedding planner, Chanda Daniels Planning & Design

“Beyond a bio, an LGBTQ+ and/or LGBTQ+-loving wedding vendor will also have diversity in their images and include a mix of all types of couples. Language is another critical way to identify an LGBTQ+ and/or LGBTQ+ loving vendor. They will be mindful of not using heteronormative language focused on brides and, instead, apply inclusive language focus on all couples. Asking for people’s pronouns is an excellent indicator of a vendor who is LGBTQ+ and/or LGBTQ+ loving. It is a recognition of support and a sign that they want you to feel comfortable as you are.” —Jove Meyer, wedding planner, Jove Meyer Events

“When deciding what photographer to hire, I would ask them questions like: ‘We aren't a traditional feminine/masculine couple, what pose ideas would you be able to do with us?’ ‘We would love our wedding gallery to feel strong/powerful/intimate/romantic/full of connection [insert whatever descriptors feel most affirming to you]. Could you send us example images with that feeling before we make our decision?’ ‘I am gender fluid and I would love my engagement session to include a masculine look and a feminie look. Can we include both in one session?’ ‘I am not sure how I want to be photographed. At our engagement session can we try some masculine and some feminine poses?’” —Theo Nash, wedding photographer, Theo Nash Photography

Wear What’s Authentic to You

“Don’t choose something because you think you should, because someone else thinks you should, or because you saw someone else wear it. This day is, in part, a celebration of you living and loving authentically, so stay true to yourself through the whole planning process, but especially when choosing what you’re going to wear. Feeling fabulous and looking gorgeous flows naturally when you’re radiating from within.” —Emily Meyer, designer, Emily Meyer

Know that You Can Craft Your Wedding However You Want

“I ask really open-ended questions. The one that I love the most is, ‘How do you envision florals on your wedding day?’ I’m not asking, ‘Are you carrying a bouquet?’ I’m not asking ‘Do you want a boutonniere?’ I’m just asking, ‘How do you envision florals?’ so then they can walk me through whoever wants to hold the bouquet, whoever wants the boutonniere, two bouquets, what have you.” —Chanda Daniels, wedding planner, Chanda Daniels Planning & Design

“Whatever you are dreaming of is a great idea. Stay grounded in the people and aesthetics that make you feel most like yourself. It can be scary to ask for what you want because LGBTQ+ communities face discrimination in so many areas of life. But your wedding day is yours. Your venue can put up a gender neutral bathroom sign if that's what you want.” —Theo Nash, wedding photographer, Theo Nash Photography

Flip the Script for Your Ceremony

“Rotate who goes first on different things. I think that it’s best to try to make it as egalitarian as possible. Whoever does the vows first, the other person can do the rings first.” —Alisa Tongg, wedding officiant, Wedding Ceremony Master Class

Make Sure that Your Photographer Understands Your Vision

“You deserve to feel seen in your photos the way you see yourself. I recommend sharing your pronouns and what compliments feel best for you. Many photographers default to calling our clients ‘adorable,’ ‘beautiful,’ and/or ‘handsome’ but that might feel dysphoric to you. You can ask your photographer to use feminime, masculine, or gender neutral terms and compliments when working for you. It might seem small, but it can make a huge difference in your experiences. That’s what being affirming is all about—moving beyond an inclusivity checklist to giving your clients meaningful experiences in which they feel seen.”—Theo Nash, wedding photographer, Theo Nash Photography

Think About “Who” to Wear

“This goes much deeper than just choosing a brand ‘friendly’ to our community, or that’s LGBTQ+-owned. Make sure you trust the designer, or label, to see you for who you are, in all your glory, and be excited to help you manifest it. Our goal at EM is to create an atmosphere in which everyone feels celebrated and special... From fabric, to silhouette, to finishes, our process and our creations are unique to each and every client, and puts them at the center of the experience.” —Emily Meyer, designer, Emily Meyer

Advocate for LGBTQ+ People in Your Wedding Party

“I would say ‘wedding party’ instead of bridesmaids or groomsmen because not only are LGBTQ+ people getting married, but they’re also in the wedding parties. I have people who, when they’re telling me the names of who will be standing up next to them, they’re giving me a heads up. So-and-so goes by he/him or they just recently transitioned, this is their new name. They’re being good protectors of their friends who might be trans to help other people know and treat their closest ones with respect on the wedding day.” —Alisa Tongg, Wedding Ceremony Master Class

Find Your Fashion Formula

“It was very important to me, and my wife, that our wedding be full of vibrant colors that reflected our own passion and joy in being together; everything was based around a palette of oranges and pinks. My favorite black tie look is a bold dinner jacket paired with black tuxedo trousers, so I knew that was going to be my formula.” —Emily Meyer, designer, Emily Meyer

Celebrate the Love Surrounding You

“Highlight and celebrate the strong community that you do have, and the loyalty of the friendships that you have. Don’t focus on who wasn’t there.” —Alisa Tongg, Wedding Ceremony Master Class

Normalize Advocacy in All Forms

“It is important to note that just because someone is a member of the LGBTQ+ community, it does not mean they have to shout it out loud and proud all over their website and social media. Not all LGBTQ+ wedding vendors are advocatores, nor should they have to be. Some of us shout it from the rooftop to help normalize it and make it part of th ewedding community norm, but the end goal is not to be a gay wedding vendor, but a vendor who happens to be gay.”—Jove Meyer, Jove Meyer Events